You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
