a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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