Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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