OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
