its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
