Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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