am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
