the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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