Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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