Redeem this text for a blowjob
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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