god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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