so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
