they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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