1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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