I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
