guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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