the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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