What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
