If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
