She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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