I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
