you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
