he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
