drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We left the knife in your bed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
