Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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