Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
