I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
