i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
