I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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