they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize