just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize