It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
