Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
