The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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