Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
