My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
