remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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