i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
