The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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