Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
