this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
