living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He passed out mid-signature
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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