you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
