Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
