my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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