the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
