She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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