I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
