ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
