Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize