I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
