it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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