As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
