Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
