dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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