i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
