Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
