We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
