i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
