I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
