I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
