i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
