He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
