We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
