Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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