P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
