is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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