i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
