Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
