nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
