you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
