Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
