anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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