I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A bitchslap is in order.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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