Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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